


Waiting to Punch Your Arm

by sinivalkoista



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amputation, Established Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Good Parent Stoick the Vast, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III Needs a Hug, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson Fluff, Hospitalization, Hurt Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, Injury, Near Death Experiences, Parent Stoick the Vast, Protective Astrid Hofferson, Protective Stoick the Vast, Teen Hiccup Horrendous Haddock lll, Wheelchair Races
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27424696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinivalkoista/pseuds/sinivalkoista
Summary: Since Hiccup isn't technologically inclined, Astrid takes it into her own hands to write him letters while he's in the hospital.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Stoick the Vast, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson, Hiro Hamada & Tadashi Hamada
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	1. Dear Hiccup I

Dear Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III,

Knowing that of all Vikings, you are the least inclined to even own a cellphone (being technologically disinclined), I have taken it into my responsibility to write you a letter. Yes, I can hear you laughing and asking when I learned such big words, so don't try to pretend otherwise. It only makes me madder at you than I already am for getting yourself landed in the hospital. It took you long enough to get out of that coma, and I didn't think you'd be able to read while you were unconscious so I didn't send anything. It was really inconsiderate of you to get injured like that.

Since you've been asleep, things on Berk have  _ really _ been changing! More dragons have been arriving from the Alpha's nest. Your dad is building a dragon hangar and a hatchery, although everything is still made out of – you guessed it – wood. I'm not sure how long that will last until one of the testier dragons accidentally burns it down. Why can't your dad just give in and build modern,  _ fire-proof  _ buildings for once? At least we have electricity and WiFi!

The only disadvantage to our new “pets” is the dragon poo. The smell is starting to get to the people with more sensitive nostrils. Stoick wants you to come up with a system to fix the problem or  _ something _ . Just another thing to keep you busy while you enjoy your vacation in the hospital, recovering!

Mulch still remains the crankiest Viking in all of the Archipelago and protests vehemently at all of the changes going on. The twins are planning to prank him soon, something involving spray paint and three sheep in retaliation for crashing their ghost hunting party. It's better not to ask. They've doubled their Loki-ing, and their worst debacle is yet to come, I'm afraid. We need you around here to keep them in line. My threatening tactics only go so far.

Toothless gets more anxious by the day without you. I think he feels a tad bit guilty for biting off half of your leg. He keeps moping around, so I try to fly him as much as I can. He is the  cutest dragon ever! (Besides Stormfly, of course.) Toothless and I both hope you get better soon, because six months in the hospital is far too long for any person to stay there! How's therapy going? What's the hospital like? Is hospital food worse than I hear?

Snotlout sends his apologies for being a rotten cousin – again. I think you can at least get three ice cream cones out of him when you come back. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that he's started a pizza business. He's calling it “Snotlout's Superb Slices” and Hookfang burns the pizza for him. I'm not sure how healthy it is to eat charred pizza, but everyone likes it around here. If I can get away from my job at my karate dojo, do you want me to bring you a slice along with a thermos of my world famous yaknog?

Fishlegs is at the library, still working on his degree in literature. On the side, he's compiling a book of dragon stats, and it's more accurate than the one Gobber had us read for dragon training. I'm glad we don't have to kill dragons anymore. Flying is the best thing in the whole world, and Stormfly and I get out every chance we can. I'm thinking of selling my car and just flying to work. We can't wait to race with you, although you'll probably beat us for the hundredth time.

Gobber has upgraded his forge. It's the most modern building around Berk, except for the fighting arena. Now he has a rack for his interchangeable prosthetic and his dragon, Grump, blows up the forge (or whatever technical term you blacksmiths use) for him. Gobber says this method is more efficient than watching you struggle to pull the bellows down, no offense intended. He also told me to tell you that he wants his apprentice back, _so hurry up and get better!_ :)

Stoick is in a tizzy over your impending return to Berk. This is the most agitated I've seen him since the dragon raid when you burned down one of the catapults. (By the way, Stoick burned down the dragon bola shooter and the rest of the catapults after you left.) You have been upgraded from the “Worst Excuse For a Viking That Ever Lived” to the “Pride of Berk”. Be prepared to be famous when you get back. Don't be surprised if you come home to find the whole house decked out in streamers and balloons. The whole neighborhood is excited! Have the doctors given you a date on when you can come home yet?

Well, that sums just about everything that's changed around here. I've prattled on enough and the twins are sure to need bailing out of something. As I've repeatedly said, hurry up and get better. My ax needs sharpening, and you're the only blacksmith I want to fix it. Miss you, Dragon Boy.

Waiting to punch your arm,

Astrid Hofferson


	2. Dear Astrid I

My Dear Astrid Hofferson,

Thanks for the love letter, Astrid. I hate to contradict you, but I  _ do  _ own a cellphone. The only problem is that I can't get it to turn on. Maybe you can help me with that? I press the button, but it just doesn't work. And what's the long black cord that came with it for? Thanks for your lovely comments. My deepest apologies, Milady, if my overextended hospital stay has inconvenienced you. 

San Franksokyo is a huge contrast to Berk. Not a single wooden building, as far as I can tell, but I haven't gotten out that much. I can see tons of lights, hot air balloons, and other flying machines in the sky outside my window. At night, tons of electric billboards light up the sky. At first it was interesting, but now I think it's the cause of my permanent headache. I've gotten into trouble with the nursing staff several times for trying to sneak out of the hospital. I think I'm going to go mad soon.

Enclosed are the drawings for a waste elimination system. Although its going to take some commitment from everyone if you want it to work, it might be a great benefactor. If Ruffnut and Tuffnut get into too much trouble, you can solve it by giving them shovels for this project.

Let the twins collaborate on pranking Mulch. It might benefit his attitude. Or then again, I'm not sure anything can do that. Just keep the mess to a minimum. 

Hospital food is disgusting. It's either a collision between gravel and rotten bananas or stale bread. You'd think fresh fruits and vegetables are contraband or something. Ketchup is a rare commodity. Yes to the pizza, please. I haven't had decent fried food in ages and I think I lost around forty pounds while I was in the coma. About the yaknog...uh, let me think about that one.

I miss Toothless, too! Tell him that I want to go flying soon! It's not his fault about my leg. After all, I did shoot off one of his tail wings. I'm working on a new fin design that I'm hoping works better than the last one. That reminds me. I've been developing a better aerodynamic design for Stormfly's saddle. If I send you the pattern, could you cut out the leather parts and bring them when you visit? 

Flying Stormfly to work will save you on gas, but be prepared to feed her more. I learned the hard way with Toothless. Have you and Stormfly learned any new stunts? How's the ax throwing practice on dragon back been going? How's work at the dojo going? Did Gustav finally manage to do a roundhouse kick? Is he still following Snotlout around? 

Therapy is just terrific (note the sarcasm). It hurts like crazy. The hospital is a little chaotic since there was a fire explosion at a nearby university. I have a new roommate named Tadashi who actually survived the explosion. He and his younger brother Hiro are computer geniuses, and Hiro thinks it's hilarious that I can't turn on the stupid cellphone. He won't help me out at all. He quit laughing when I beat him in all ten games of chess we played during his last visit.

Apparently they do not have forges or blacksmiths in this city. They have “welding” and “welders”. Astrid, I want out of here. I can't wait to get back to Gobber's. Tell him he's right about Grump being more efficient. A  _ two-year-old  _ could have done a better job than I did. 

I think I'm going to figure out when I come home pretty soon. I'll let you know. I've enclosed copies of my notes for Fishlegs to use in his book. Tell him I can't wait to read the first draft! Give Toothless plenty of oysters for me This Viking is  _ dying  _ to sharpen your ax, so hold out for me.

Waiting to dodge your punch,

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III


	3. Dear Hiccup II

Dear Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III,

Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup. I must say, I'm not surprised. You are so archaic. In fact, the archives of the library of Alexandria were more updated than you are.

That “ _ long black cord”  _ is the phone's power cord. You have to plug the phone into a wall outlet so that it charges.  _ Then  _ you can turn it on and get it working. Hurry up and call me once you get it running, Dragon Boy. I miss hearing your actual voice.

How many times have you snuck out of the house without Stoick knowing? You never did give me all the details about when you first exited the house without parental consent to find the dragon you had shot down. Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge.

The magnetic force of trouble in the cosmos has once again found Ruffnut and Tuffnut, and for once they didn't have to clean any of the resulting mess up! You know that prank that I told you about with the sheep and the spray paint? Well, they actually pulled it off. They painted the three sheep with the numbers 1, 2, and 4. Then, they snuck over to Mulch's house in the middle of the night, jimmied the lock on the door (you never read this letter), and released the sheep into his domicile. 

I hate to say this, and I hope that the twins never get their hands on this paper, but it was beautiful. I'm starting to sound like the Architects of Chaos themselves. Not a good sign. 

Mulch went out of his mind trying to find the third sheep after the first three had finished trashing his house.  _ Literally.  _ He even begged the nearest dragon, who happened to be Toothless, to find the lost ewe. Toothless licked him in the face, which only made him more frantic. He went as far to wake up Stoick and insist he start a search party to find Sheep No. 3! 

As the twins had planned, the third sheep was never found. Gobber ended up knocking Mulch unconscious so that everyone could get some peace, quiet, and sleep. Stoick forced the twins to help the general metropolis and cosmopolitans of Berk by giving them shovels to scoop poop. Not only did Mulch have to clean and throw out most of the junk in his house, but he had to call the carpet cleaners to get rid of dragon excrement. So the mess was not kept to a minimum and the twins' new punishment is undetermined. They appealed to the rule of the people by democracy, but Stoick claimed that where the twins are involved, it's bureaucracy through and through. I'll get back to you on how the debate progresses.

Snotlout is thoroughly delighted you want some of his pizza. He's gotten some great reviews on his pies from the newspapers and food magazines. His ego isn't as stoked as it would have been before, but we did have to order him a new helmet for his big head. Do you have a specific pizza flavor order? Of course you want some of my yaknog! How stupid of me to even ask!

Work at the dojo is booming, and because of that, Stormfly and I haven't been able to work on any new stunts. But be warned! We'll be flying circles around you and Toothless by the time you get back. 

Gustav is sticking to Snotlout like a leach to skin. He'd follow Snotlout around the pizza shop if he didn't have school. He's still working on his roundhouse.

Fishlegs was overly ecstatic at the information on dragons you sent him. He babbled on for half an hour about how the Academy would go crazy over the detailed stats, but he hasn't realized that  _ we  _ are already crazy. I think if I hear about the Academy one more time, I'm going to explode.

Toothless has grown fat on oysters, FYI. How do you get him to exercise? It's bad enough waking up Stormfly in the morning to go flying. 

By the way, tell Tadashi and Hiro hello for me. What are they like?

Well, I'm running out of room on the paper and my next karate class is about to start. Gotta run this to the mailbox!

With an unsharpened ax,

Astrid Hofferson


	4. Dear Astrid II

Dear Astrid Hofferson,

Sorry for the week's delay in getting this letter to you. All of my pens mysteriously went missing, and I think Hiro's new pen robot has something to do with it.

_ Thank you,  _ Astrid. I think I know what a power cord is! It's not my fault the instructions were written in Sanskrit! I plugged the phone in just like you said and waited for two days. It still won't turn on, and I'm trying. Trust me, I'm just as eager to hear you, too!

Astrid! I'm appalled that you would think that I sneak out of the house! It's just that My dad didn't pay attention to my comings and goings. There's nothing utterly exciting about the one time I shot down Toothless. Did you know that he roared in my ear? I thought I'd gone deaf and fainted, but there's no reason to tell Snotlout that, okay? At the time, I brought a baseball bat for “protection.” Speaking of sports, did the twins get their football team together, or did their keeper quit again?

Listen. DO NOT go through the trouble of bringing me yaknog. I'm sure you have better things to do than stand in front of the garbage disposal, or whatever you mix it in. I read Snotlout's Superb Slice's menu, and I think I'll have the Green Gronkle Delight, please.

As much as I doubt that you and Stormfly could do circles around us, Toothless and I step up to the challenge. Name the date and time you want to race, and we'll be there!

I've been thinking. I know most of the gang are going to college in the fall (besides you). What if I started taking an online college course? It's just an idea. I don't even have a clue of what I'd get a degree in.

Could you ask my dad to send me my UNO deck? All the ones in the hospital are rigged. I haven't won a single game.

What kind of get togethers have the youth of Berk been having? Besides, of course, the twins' escapade with Mulch, the poor guy. Isn't Stoick making them pay for the damage to his carpet? I wish I could have been there to see the look on Mulch's face myself! Not that there haven't been any pranks around here, too, mind you.

Toothless and oysters mix. Toothless and exercise, not so much. So I figured that mixing oysters with exercise would draw him in. It's rather simple: Grab an oyster, wave it under his snout, and make a run for it. It's a great workout for everyone. As for waking Stormfly up, I find a bucket of ice water will do fine, just as long as you are prepared to have a fire-breathing dragon chase you the whole morning and into the afternoon.

Tadashi and Hiro are opposites. Tadashi is calm and methodical. Hiro is energetic and impulsive. You should really meet them when you come to visit. Neither of them are into karate, but I think you'd get along well. Apparently, Tadashi and Hiro have a group of friends from the local college. Their nicknames are Fred, Honey Lemon, Wasabi, and Go-Go. Crazy, right? We should make nicknames for people in town, too. 

I apologize for the short and late letter, and I'd better get this in the mailbox before it's even later. 

Bored out of my mind,

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

  
  



	5. Dear Hiccup III

Dear Hiccup Haddock III,

If you ever learn how to correctly use electronic devices, Hiccup, then you wouldn't have to deal with things such as losing your pens and turning on a cell phone. I almost hate to ask my next question...did you even press the button to turn it on? If you look at the sides, there should be some raised slits (or whatever you call them). Try pushing on them or holding them down.

The twins did, in fact, arrange a football team, but the keeper did quit. And, well... let's just say they didn't stop messing with livestock. It's a goat, Hiccup. Sylvester – that's what they're calling him – stands in the goal, destroying all grass within sight and blocking a couple of soccer balls purely by chance. Of course, now they're forced to require a weekly net fee along with the jersey for anyone who wants to join because Sylvester goes through one a game. But on the bright side, they are going to the championships!

I assure you, it is no trouble  _ at all  _ to bring you yaknog. I'd love to! (Garbage disposal? Very funny! Ha!) I'll be sure to bring you a slice of that pizza, then, when I come for a visit, along with a book I picked up for you.

I think taking an online college course is a fantastic idea since you've got so much time on your hands. Even if you haven't decided on a degree yet, you can still complete your general education requirements. What classes are you interested in?

Unfortunately, Fishlegs was given the privilege of choosing our last activity, and do you know what he picked? A three-hour tour of the Berkian Institute of Bird Watching. A whole museum, dedicated to birds! Snotlout spent the entire time glued to the display cases and checking his hair while Ruffnut and Tuffnut tied the curator up.  _ I  _ was the one who had to release him, and the twins are now banned from every setting foot within twenty feet of the premises, something they are quite delighted about. Have you been getting into any of your own  trouble adventures?

Is Hiro or Tadashi fond of pranks?

Grump that he is, Mulch is now demanding that the twins pay for a complete remodel of his kitchen, and, as much as she wants to punish Ruffnut and Tuffnut, Mrs. Thorsen is protesting. I'll let you know of any more developments.

On the matter of dragons and oysters...Do you know how expensive oysters are, Hiccup? I run a karate studio, not a bank! I can't afford to treat your dragon like he's Thor himself. He needs an attitude adjustment.

Fred, Honey Lemon, Wasabi, and Go-Go, eh? I don't mean to burst your bubble, but our mothers are a little too crazy with normal names around here. There's Mulch, for one, and Snotlout and Ugg Uglithug and … well, everyone's name, basically. You get the idea. What were our forefathers thinking?

Did I mention that I have a karate competition coming up? I know it's kind of foolish to be thinking about it, but will you be able to learn karate when you come home with your leg?

I'm counting down the days until I can get a break and visit you!

Coming to your rescue from the evil pen robot,

Astrid Hofferson

P.S. Stoick went ahead and sent you UNO cards, which will arrive in the next couple of days, but he said not to get your hopes up.


	6. Dear Astrid III

Dear Astrid Hofferson,

I am convinced that it's the electronic devices that are the problem, not I. Shouldn't the directions  _ say  _ to press the button to turn it on? I thought I only had to plug it in...you really need to show me how to work it (if you receive this letter in time. I probably should have waited until after your visit, but I was bored).

Did the twins recruit you to play, too, Astrid? I can't really imagine them creating any sports team and not asking you to be in some position. Really, if you were on the other team, I'd quit. And hasn't some referee thought to ban the goat from the field? They're getting insane...

I suppose it's too late to stop the yaknog. I resign myself to my fate.

I was going to enact upon the online course idea, but I've run into a slight problem. I don't have a computer. Or a laptop. Is there a way to get a free one? If not, do they cost much? I haven't even thought about a degree yet. Can you get one of those in dragon training?

I don't know how I'd pay for that, either. Since I don't really have a job at the moment, I'm a duck in still water. I know I worked for Gobber before, but let's face it – I'm not going to be back anytime soon.

Hiro is Loki in the flesh. Seriously, Astrid, I've never seen a kid so much into robots with a flare of getting into trouble almost as big as mine. On Monday, he got the brilliant idea that he would build a robot to ferry food and other items too and from the hospital room because Tadashi's burns haven't healed enough for him to move around too much. On Thursday, he brought the prototype in, positioned it next to Tadashi's bed, and proudly flipped on the switch.

It was a disaster. Instead of following the order to “get some wasabi” (which seems to be an inside joke connected with the person Wasabi), the contraption zoomed around the room like a hyperactive dragon on dragon nip. Then, it raced out the door, Hiro on its heels. During the next five minutes, it upturned a food cart, knocked over a doctor, and hooked onto an old man's wheelchair to drag him around at top speed.

When the rogue robot was finally caught, none of the nursing staff were amused, although Hiro claims that it wasn't his fault because it wouldn't have happened if the local speedster, Go-Go, had been there. Thankfully, the old man wasn't too upset and claimed it was the most fun he'd had since a a tractor ran over his windpipe fifty-seven years ago.

Wasn't Mulch's kitchen already ruined because of the rats he tried to raise to sell as pets? (To be honest, I don't think any pet is suited to Berk except dragons.)

Speaking of dragons...what do you expect me to do, Astrid? Tell a two-ton hunk of scales that he can't eat his favorite food? Have you ever  _ tried  _ to get a dragon off your stomach before? Dragon saliva does not wash off! If you're worried about money, we could save on stamps and ask those little Terrible Terrors to deliver letters for us. I think they'd be glad to do it.

If other people missing legs can ride bicycles and climb mountains, then I can learn how to kick a bag of sand (within reason. I'll ask the doctor). I can at least come to your competition, given that I don't run into any more dragons intents on burning the world.

Give Toothless an extra scratch for me, and thank my dad for the UNO cards.

Waiting for your arrival on pins and needles,

Hiccup Haddock III


	7. Dear Hiccup IV

Dear Hiccup Haddock III,

I stopped to visit my aunt for a week after seeing you before returning home. And do you know what I found on my home phone? A voice message! And do you know whom that voice message was from? Stoick! And do you know what he told me? That you had gotten into an accident at the hospital involving a four-wheelchair pile up and a broken arm and a broken leg. So now you won't be coming to my karate competition like we'd planned, and you certainly can't use a phone without three out of four appendages.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?! WERE YOU EVEN THINKING? YOU COULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF, DOING WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING! I AM FURIOUS WITH YOU, HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD!

And now I've got another bone to pick with you! What did you mean you “resign yourself to your fate”? Don't you  _ like  _ my yaknog?! Argh!

This is a week later. I thought it best not to finish responding to your last letter until I had cooled down somewhat – only somewhat. You're not off the hook yet.

Yes, laptops do cost money. No, it is not unlikely that you can get one for free unless you win some raffled. If you want to pursue the idea, start saving now, and you might be able to afford one in ten years. And there's not much you can do about a job, either, with a broken arm and a broken leg. Which leg was it?

Did Hiro have something to do with the accident? I liked him when I saw him, but if he did...

Yes, the twins have tried to recruit me to be their striker without much success because they scheduled practice right in the middle of the busiest time of my day. As if some of us don't have anything to do. The next time I can attend one of their games, I'm going to deal with the goat problem, although that might be after the championships.

I think you're right about the pet thing. All bunnies, cats, fish, iguanas, etc. I tried to keep as a child died. Except for the cactus. I think my mom still has it at her house.

Your dad spoke to Mulch and calmed him down enough to get him to agree to not request compensation, but he still shoots dirty looks at the twins. So I guess that whole drama is mostly over.

The other day, Snotlout mentioned to me that he was thinking of opening an old-fashioned arcade next to Snotlout's Superb Slices and calling it Snotlout's Superb Shots. He asked if you would be willing to help him draw up his plans because you're his cousin and won't charge him as much. I say you charge him double  _ because  _ you're his cousin. (Although why I'm giving advice to you is beyond me. I'm still infuriated with you!)

Since it was evident during my visit that the tides had not turned even with the new UNO deck, I am sending you a regular desk of cards. You won't be able to use them, though, until your arm heals.

Stormfly doesn't lick me as much as Toothless licks you, but I have had my fair share of scrubbing dragon saliva off clothes. I wish I could have taken Toothless to visit you, but he would have certainly caused more damage than Hiro's waiter robot.

Everyone around here sends their greetings. They've been pestering me about when you're going to come back, which has probably been delayed thanks to your escapade. Stoick hasn't given me the full details yet (if he knows them), so I'm going to go ask him.

Furious beyond your imagination,

Astrid Hofferson


	8. Dear Astrid IV

Dear Astrid Hofferson,

Before you ask, I am indeed writing this letter because it was my right leg and arm that were broken, and I am left-handed. Didn't my dad tell you about the bruised liver, too? It's not like I  _ try  _ to get stuck in the hospital to annoy you. It just happens. Do you think I want to be wrapped up in so many casts that I look like an Egyptian mummy? They itch, Astrid!

Yes, it was a four-wheelchair pile up. I might have mentioned dragon racing to Hiro, and he thought it would be a grand idea to test out some of Go-Go's speed technology on the wheelchairs Tadashi and I are supposed to use to get around. So it wasn't my idea! (Not that I want you coming after Hiro, of course. Please.)

Well, after they switched the wheels out, Fred and Hiro decided to race down the hallway with Tadashi and I to get us out of our room. There was no way they could have known that two other people in another room had the same idea, just without the super speed.

We crashed. Boom. The wheelchairs piled on top of one another. If it makes you feel better, no one was hurt worse than I was, so no one's suing.

It was a joke, Astrid! Your yaknog is very...interesting. That's the right word. Thank you for the pizza and the get-well cards you brought, too.

There's not much  _ anybody  _ can do with one working arm. If I was bored before, it's much worse now. I'm sorry I can't come to watch your karate kids, Astrid. I was really looking forward to it and coming home.

A cactus isn't a pet, Astrid. It's a plant. It has no feeling, no emotion, and it can't even move or make noise.

Tell Snotlout I'll him him draw up as many plans as he wants (within reason. I'm not redoing his house), but he should come up with a better name. No offense. I mean, I have no idea what kids are like these days, so I might not be the best person to be handing out advice. And you can also tell him that the price will be  _ reasonable. _

Although I haven't been able to play any card games, I can prop open a book with one hand, and I've been reading up on card game and chess strategies. Have you ever played War or Gin? The last one's especially interesting, and I bet I can give Tadashi a run for his money.

As I write this, the little mail Terrors are curled up around me. They remind me of Berk and smell a lot like Toothless – a mix of stinky fish and burned rubber. There's no place like Berk filled with dragons. I don't think I can stand another month stuck in here. I wouldn't even complain about scrubbing the dragon saliva off my clothes.

Thank everyone for their concern for me, too. (To be honest, I'm not really used to everyone fussing about me. Even the nurses all act like mothers. It's a little embarrassing.)

Did I mention that my dad is coming to see me? That's going to be...awkward. Until we get things sorted out. Yeah.

Well, I can barely keep my eyes open from all the pain medication they're pumping into me (aggravated stump). Good night, Astrid.

The fastest wheelchair racer around,

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III


	9. Dear Hiccup V

Dear Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III,

The more I hear about it, the more convinced I am that you're a walking accident magnet. A bruised liver? Until I received your letter, I didn't even know that it was possible to bruise internal organs! An aggravated stump? Hiccup, you have to take better care of yourself!

The wheelchair race might not have been your idea, but why did you still agree to do it? Tell Hiro he'd better watch his back. (Informing me that no one was hurt worse than you did not help anything, by the way. Do you have any other injuries I should know about?)

You bet your dragon my yaknog is good. Snotlout even asked to buy the recipe so he could start selling it at his restaurant.

Of course a cactus is a pet. It still requires food and water. When you purchase one at the hardware depot, it always comes with a care tab. Cacti are pets. End of discussion.

The karate competition went well, although the kids were disappointed that you couldn't make it. I had seven students including Gustav advance in belts, and only two of the them lost teeth. All in all, the event was a success, but the next cocky shrimp who thinks he can beat me in a karate match is in for it.

While I'm thinking of it, I came up with the perfect online degree for you to pursue – architecture! Although welding is still similar to what you did with Gobber, I think you might end up a little confused by all that modern technology. No dragons to help you melt things in the real world! You just have to do everything the hard way. But I know you like drawing designs for buildings and structures, and hey – who said you have to have a degree at all? Just come on home and help Gobber out. None of that college junk matters here.

So...Tuffnut and Ruffnut have taken up knitting. After they visited their grandmother to finally get rid of the sheep in the back yard (I forgot to tell you about those), they returned with needles and a lifetime's supply of wool. At first, I thought they would give up on it as soon as they saw how difficult it is, but they've stuck with it and produce some interesting creations. Like a sweater, which Ruffnut forgot to give a neck hole. And six-foot-long socks. Ruffnut wants to know your sizes so she can make you some stuff. 

Get used to people fussing around you, Hiccup, because I'm afraid it's only going to be worse when you get home. Alternately, I myself switch from being so mad at you for hurting yourself and feeling sorry that you're miserable.

This Friday, your dad announced a grand idea of his to inspire all of the children in Dragon Training at school. He declared that the person at the top of the class gets the honor of smacking a whipped cream pie into his face. Personally, this makes me wish I was in sixth grade again. Those were the days a girl could cream the boys without things being awkward.

Are you still on pain meds?

How's your chess strategy?

Still furious with you,

Astrid Hofferson


	10. Dear Astrid V

Dear Astrid Hofferson,

Honestly, a bruised liver isn’t that bad! I’m perfectly all right. Just knocked up a bit. I’m taking care of myself. Well, I mean, other people are taking care of  _ me.  _ Either way, I’m being taken care of. This  _ is  _ a hospital, you know, not a boot camp.

No other injuries, I promise!

I was  _ bored,  _ Astrid. Why else would I agree to a wheelchair race?”

_ Snotlout  _ asked to  _ buy  _ the yaknog recipe? Did  _ he  _ bruise his liver or something? Knock his head?

Cacti are not pets. I bet you haven’t even named it! It can’t be a pet if it doesn’t have a name. No arguments. End of discussion.

Seven students? It sounds like your class is expanding. How many total students do you have now?

As soon as I regain use of my arms (for the most part), I think I’ll pursue architecture. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll build the next Stonehenge!  **(This is Hiro. I’m transcribing it for Hiccup. He’s insane. xD)** Another man’s junk is another man’s treasure. Maybe if I study hard, I could help build some stuff when I get back along with the blacksmithing. I have this cool idea for an expanded town hall that can fit dragons into it.

My shoe size is 9. Tell Ruffnut to knock herself out. What’s this about sheep in the back yard? And please tell me they haven’t strangled anybody yet. I tried knitting once with Gothi and the old ladies’ group to try to fit in somewhere. By the time I was through, all of them were tied up.

YeS, i’M oN pAiN mEdS.

**(Hiro again. They just drugged him up.)**

Oh, my chess strategy is great. You see, you have to move the llamas to the left before the alpacas make a crossing, and then the foxes start swimming on the walls because there’s no purple point left in the pool. Easy, right?

Smash a pie in Pappy’s face, Astrid!

Do you liked whipped cream.

Lotz of loves <3 <3 <3,

Hiccy Horrendousy Haddocky III


	11. Dear Hiccup VI

Dear Hiccupy Horrendousy Haddocky,

Wow, babe. I really love you, too. Want to buy me a cheese burger? *wink face* *wink face* *wink face*. Having a lot of fun at the hospital, are we? No wonder you’re not coming home anytime soon, what with all of the drugs you get to take for “bruised livers.” *wink face* *wink face* Maybe I should bruise my liver, too, and join you.

I don't know. You might agree to a wheelchair race because you’re Hiccupy Horrendousy Haddocky the Thirdy? Why else would a sane person do that?

The cactus has a name, thank you very much, and I’ll have you know that it and Stormfly are best friends now. If a dragon is friends with it, then it can be a pet. Really, you ought to know. End of discussion.

Yes, Snotlout  _ bought  _ my yaknog recipe, and he  _ doesn’t  _ have a concussion. I’m beginning to think you have a problem with my yaknog,  _ Hiccupy Horrendousy Haddocky.  _ Why wouldn’t he??

Ruffnut and Tuffnut decided that it would be a good idea to adopt a family of sheep and hide them in the back yard. Their mother didn’t share the same delight. Honestly, it’s a miracle that she puts up with them like she does when they’re full grown and she can kick them out. In fact, it’s rather odd that she  _ hasn’t  _ kicked them out yet.

I’ll be sure to pass on the pie-in-the-face sentiments to your father, Hiccup.

Yes, I like whipped cream. Who doesn’t? 

Also, there’s a brilliant chess strategy you have. Love it. I’m definitely going to try it out for myself. But you have to tell me where you bought your set because I don’t remember mine having alpacas, foxes, rivers, paint, or llamas. I definitely want to play the game right.

Stoick wants to know if the hospital received his voicemails about the amount of pain medication they’re giving you.

Sincerely (with  _ lotz of loves, Hiccy Boy), _

Astrid Hofferson


	12. Dear Astrid VI

Dear Astrid Hofferson,

I am dying of embarrassment. I hope you’re happy.

I did  _ not  _ mean to send you such a letter while in such a mental state. Please. You have to believe me. In fact, would you do me a favor and burn that letter? I’m not sure why Hiro or  _ somebody  _ didn’t stop me from writing it. Or why he transcribed it in the first place.

But I assure you that I am writing this under my right mind!

Yes, the hospital received Dad’s voicemails. Can we please, please, please,  _ please  _ pretend like none of this happened?

It’s worse than almost burning down the village.

And did you  _ really  _ have to use the phrase “Hiccy Horrendousy Haddocky” so many times, Astrid???

You can’t name a cactus, Astrid, and Stormfly certainly can’t become best friends with it. And does Toothless know? Do you realize how much trouble you are going to be in when Toothless discovers that he has been replaced by an inanimate object? Do you like your earthen cookware, Astrid?

Oh, there’s  _ no  _ problem with your yaknog, Astrid. At all. Besides for the fact that it causes indigestion, stomach aches, and a severe rash.

Don’t you dare pass on the pie-in-the-face sentiments to my Dad.

Let me know whenever you’re done tormenting me.

Sincerely,

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third


	13. Dear Hiccup VII

Dear Hiccup,

You’re taking it far too seriously, Hiccup. I was joking about most of it, and I have no intention of burning the letter. You’ll want to show it to your grandchildren one day when they get their wisdom teeth out or something so you can enjoy the horror that grows on their faces when they realize how much mental control they’re going to lose.

I like my earthen cookware just fine. If Toothless breaks any, he can spend the night sleeping outside. THE CACTUS STAYS, HICCUP.

My yaknog does  _ not  _ cause indigestion, stomach aches, and rashes, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll take your cowardly words back!

I told your dad what you said.

I’m never done tormenting you.

Sincerely,

Astrid Hofferson.

…

Dear Hiccup,

I know a week is not a long time to wait for someone to reply to a letter, but…

If anything I said about grandchildren was weird or offended you, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was that harsh or weird. It’s just grandchildren. People say stuff like that all the time.

I won’t throw Toothless outside.

Also, I put the cactus outside. Because it needed the sunshine.

But the yaknog is fine, Hiccup.

Sincerely, 

Astrid Hofferson.

…

Dear Hiccup, 

Are you still mad?

Fine, I’ll admit it, the yaknog does cause indigestion, stomach aches, rashes, and stomach ulcers.

There.

Now will you write me back?

Sincerely,

Astrid Hofferson.

…

Dear Hiccup,

If you don’t write me back, I’m going to send all of my little Bruce Lees after you. 

Sincerely,

Astrid Hofferson

…

Dear Hiccup,

Why did you send your father a letter and not me? Are you still mad?

Do I need to apologize or something? Punch you on the arm? Would that make you feel better? I didn’t mean anything.

Sincerely,

Astrid Hofferson

…

Dear Hiccup,

I’m going to kill you.

Sincerely,

Astrid Hofferson.

…

With agitation, Astrid checked her stack of mail for what had to be the fifteenth time that day. 

No letter from Hiccup.

Nothing.

Nada.

He had all the  _ nerve.  _

What kind of person just cut off communication for three weeks over a stupid letter? It wasn’t as though she’d said anything  _ really  _ angering in it. At least, she thought. She had tried to pry an answer out of Stoick, but he had laughed her off and said something about her being a fine warrior and to not press Hiccup too much because he was coming along fine.

Whatever that meant.

For the sixteenth time, she went through each of her letters, but the search yielded the same result.

She pounded her fist on the desk in her office in frustration. Her karate classes started in fifteen minutes. It was going to be a long day.

Without a letter from Hiccup.

Why was she complaining about a lack of a letter anyway? It wasn’t as though her whole  _ life  _ depended on whether or not some stupid, overgrown-

The bell atop her door jingled. 

“I’ll be out in a minute!” she hollered. “Classes don’t start for another ten minutes, so you might as well stretch and get ahead of the class.”

There was no answer. That was fine. In the summer, some kids on Berk didn’t appreciate her early morning class and weren’t that talkative.

She went back to going through her stack of letters for the seventeenth time. Although none of them were touched, she didn’t really feel like opening them. What was she going to find, bills?

Certainly not a letter from a redheaded, stubborn-

“Well, is that a way to greet someone you haven’t seen in months?”

Astrid slammed her fist down on her desk and jumped to her feet at the same time. “HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD!” she roared.

“That poor desk.” Hiccup scratched the back of his head. “So, you’re  _ probably  _ wondering why I haven’t written you in a couple of weeks-”

“A couple of weeks? A COUPLE OF WEEKS?!”

“Yeah, so there was this incident with a llama and - umph!”

Awkwardly, Astrid released him from the impromptu hug and jabbed a finger at his chest. “After my classes are done, you have  _ a lot  _ of explaining to do, Hiccup.” And she would sit and listen to Hiccup talk for the first time in what felt like  _ years. _

“Come on, Astrid,” Hiccup complained in his familiar nasally tone. “I was stuck in a hospital, for Thor’s sake. You could have a little pity on a one-legged Viking, you know.”

Then, Astrid did something she had been waiting a long time to do.

She punched him in the arm.


End file.
